


obsolete

by sayjerk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-12-10 13:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayjerk/pseuds/sayjerk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam dies a few weeks after christmas. (Set in S3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	obsolete

  
Dean has a secret list of things that he wants to do before he dies and he keeps it tucked in his jacket like a stolen gun. He’s not ashamed of it, but if Sam saw, he would most likely cry like the little girl he is, so, yeah, Dean keeps it to himself. No one needs to see an overgrown man cry over a list.  
  
-  
  
 ~~#7. Have a threesome with twins.~~  
  
-  
  
Sam buys him a pie two months in. It’s in a brown box and has a pink ribbon wrapped around it. Dean thinks it’s the best pie he’s ever tasted and Sam ears turn red as he looks down at the floor, awkwardly clearing his throat.   
  
“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean says, eyes fixated on the way Sam tugs at his sleeve.   
  
“Yeah, whatever, dude. I just saw it at the store next to the salt, so.”  
  
They don’t talk about the flawed logic of pies being stocked next to salt and Dean saves the box in his trunk after he’s done.   
  
-  
  
 ~~#9. Win a pool game just to win it.~~  
  
-  
  
Ruby is getting to be a real pain in his ass and he hates how Sam looks at her like she can do anything, like she can save Dean. No one can save Dean, and it’s a dick move to make Sam believe that someone can.  
  
“You don’t have to worry so much, Sunshine.”  
  
Dean rolls his eyes and raises his head up from his palm as Ruby smiles, the red of the cheap motel lights making her look exactly like the demon she is. She has her arms crossed and her hips canted. She looks smug. She looks happy. Dean wants to slowly, slowly drag her out of that body, watch black smoke disappear into the sky.   
  
“Sammy’s gonna be just fine.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up.”  
  
“Aw, cute, _kitty claws_.”  
  
Dean squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose, and when he opens them, Ruby’s gone. But, her words stick to the back of his head like John’s orders. Like Sammy’s smile.   
  
Sometimes he wishes the deal was for a day instead of a year.  
  
-  
  
5\. See the Grand Canyon.   
  
-  
  
Sometimes he wishes the deal was for fifty years instead of one year, because he wants to live. He wants to make Sam stop looking like he’s on death row. He wants to drink beer on his car.   
  
And, it’s inevitable that once he finds reasons to live, his card gets cut.  
  
Leaving Dean with a sullen brother and no light at the end of the tunnel.   
  
-  
  
 ~~12\. Participate in the pie eating contest.~~  
  
-  
  
Dean meets a girl about four months into the deal and she tells him her name is Julie, but he’s pretty sure she’s lying. She has pitch black hair and a red mouth and an ass that was made for denim cut-offs. And, she’s sort of a mess. She cries after sex, big, gasping sobs that make Dean uncomfortable and then she wipes his face on his chest, complaining when her eye rubs against the amulet.   
  
She tells him about the love of her life.   
  
Says he was beautiful, he was perfect. He was everything she ever wanted.   
  
Says he died a few months ago.   
  
“Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would climb into hell for them? Can you-“  
  
Dean kisses her forehead and thinks,  _yes_.   
  
-  
  
 ~~8\. Get Sam to wear lace panties and garters.~~  
  
-  
  
Christmas turns out to be a dull affair with Sam bringing up the deal with that stupid, fucking look on his face. It’s hard to keep the mood up when the only other person in the car is goddamn Negative Nancy with a sunken expression and one too many skipped stations on the radio.   
  
“C’mon, Sammy, cheer up,” he says, smacking Sam’s knee with the back of his hand. Sam makes an annoyed noise and shuffles in his seat, pulling his jacket around himself tightly and leaning against the window.   
  
“It’s the happ- happiest time of the year,” he sings obnoxiously loud and Sam rolls his eyes.   
  
“Shut up, Dean.”  
  
Dean laughs and the motion makes his chest feel curiously hollow.   
  
-  
  
 ~~3\. Visit Jess’s grave. Tell her thanks. And, sorry.~~  
  
-  
  
Sex hasn’t been playful for months. It’s always needy and passionate and Sam won’t break eye contact, will lock his legs around Dean’s waist and dig his nails into Dean’s shoulders. Will gasp into Dean’s mouth and whisper stupid, silly things like  _I love you_  and  _I hate you_  and  _Why did you do this to me?_    
  
Dean answers each whisper by a thrust and Sam’s eyes shine with tears.   
  
One day, he manages to get Sam drunk. Slap happy drunk like the high school days when Sam would giggle around the beer bottle and try to blow Dean.   
  
Apparently, nothing’s changed.  
  
“You’re such a dick,” Sam informs him, sporting a wide grin between the twin spots of pink on his cheeks. He runs his fingers up Dean’s thigh and grins wider.   
  
“Gee, thanks,” he says, trying to sound offended and ending up sounding stupidly fond.   
  
Sam hasn’t laughed like that in months.   
  
He kisses Sam on the mouth, licks at edge of childish giggles and breathes in what feels like heaven. He pushes Sam back against the couch and runs gentle fingers through his hair.   
  
He thinks, _I’ll miss you_ , and says, “Gonna fuck you real good, Sammy.”  
  
Sam smiles and says, “I know.”  
  
-  
  
2\. Don’t drink on Mom’s birthday.  
  
-  
  
The christmas lights are still up on some stores the day Sam dies for a second time.   
  
Dean is on a job that has him stalking a guy and Sam in a library. They talk on the phone about meeting up in a few hours and Dean leans back, the leather of his seat a little too cold with the heat off. He slumps down when the target suspiciously looks around before entering his house.   
  
Sam dies in the span of three seconds, all of which Dean spends wiping a smudge on the dashboard.   
  
Sam dies with a pool of blood around his head and horribly misguided notes strewn across the carpet.  
  
The real monster turns out to be a shapeshifter who had a personal vendetta against them.  _Wanted you to know what it feels like to lose a brother_ , it sneered when Dean tortured the information out of him.   
  
Dean could barely see past the tears in his eyes but he made the monster scream, made him jerk against the cuffs on his hands, made him  _beg_.   
  
None of it made Sam come back.   
  
-  
  
 ~~4\. Upgrade the wheels on the Impala.~~  
  
-  
  
He goes down the crossroads, but the pretty demon in the pretty dress tells him he doesn’t have a soul to bargain with anymore. Runs a bright, red fingernail across his cheek and whispers,  _Sammy’s waiting for you in hell, I’m sure, dolled up with a crown on his precious head. You know what they say about Sam Winchester and what-_  
  
He shoots her directly in the mouth.  
  
He shoots himself next.  
  
-  
  
1\. Make Sam smile at least once a day.  
  
——-

 


End file.
